I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Everyone says I win the strip club
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
