I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
