Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
