oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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