Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
