Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
