apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
