hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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