Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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