And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
