We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
