my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
