I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
