First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
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Do I have a choice?
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I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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