Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
