Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You ruined the universe
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