apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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