Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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