corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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