This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
