that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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