He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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