I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
