I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
