he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
