I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Damn victory sex feels great
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
