You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize