Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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