yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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