After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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