The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
