You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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