Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
