I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
