So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
