I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i barfeds in our rink
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
