Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Houston, we have a blender
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
