Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
