I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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