i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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