If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I checked into jail on foursquare
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize