when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
