I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
