She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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