need another drink. this is the easiest way
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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