So drunk its hurt
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
