My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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