he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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