New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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