ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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