FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
