I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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