I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
