are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
