I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
