Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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