my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
