Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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