My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
