Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
