If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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