im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
