he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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