yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
